A man’s typical response when asked what he’s thinking about is “Nothing.” It’s not that we’re always thinking about nothing; it’s usually that we don’t know how to put our feelings into words.

Your husband actually wants you, his wife, to know these things; but he doesn’t always know how to say it. This is, of course, a generalization and certainly doesn’t apply to all men at all times. Still, there seems to be a trend of guys struggling to communicate their feelings and desires and their wives struggling to know “What’s really on his mind?”

I’m going to share with you a list of 7 common desires most men have, but they’re also unlikely to say these things out loud. I’m sharing this here simply to spark some healthy conversations in your marriage. Not all of these will apply to every man, BUT many of these will probably apply to your husband. Ask him if these are true for him. It may lead to some of the most intimate conversations you’ve ever shared.

1. He desperately needs his wife’s respect. He wants to know she believes in him

Even the most confident man is secretly desperate for his wife’s respect. When a husband feels respected by his wife, he believes he can take on the world. When he feels that his wife doesn’t believe in him, he will carry deep, hidden wounds. Maybe your husband isn’t acting very respectable right now, so you feel entitled to withhold your respect until he earns it. This is an understandable perspective, but it’s also a wrong one. A lack of respect rarely motivates a man to improve, BUT finding something in him to praise and respect will usually make him more motivated to keeping earning and building your belief in him.

2. He wants his wife to be classy in public but “naughty” in the bedroom

Men who are happiest in their marriage almost always cite a strong sexual satisfaction with his wife. Ask him about this. Ask him what his fantasies are with you and share yours with him. Obviously, these fantasies have to stay within the sacred, monogamous covenant of marriage, but there’s still a lot of room for creativity and FUN. Don’t let insecurities or feelings of inadequacy about body image get in the way. Your self-confidence turns him on. He loves YOU. He wants YOU. He wants you to be a classy lady in all parts of your life, BUT he also wants you to be willing to make sex and shared sexual fantasy a priority with him.

3. He wants you to take a genuine interest in the things that interest him

Most marriages have “his” hobbies and “her” hobbies. In many cases, it’s fine for both spouses to have different and separate interests, BUT the happiest couples find opportunities to share the experiences together. Maybe your husband loves sports and you hate sports. You might never be the kind of fan he is, but if you take the time to learn the rules of the game and learn some facts about his favorite team and players, he would be blown away and would love the opportunity to talk with you about it. It would help connect you in ways you’re not currently connected. It might also inspire him to take more interest in your passions and pursuits. The more shared interests and shared experiences you can create, the stronger your marriage will become.

4. He wants you to be happy, because when you’re happier, he’ll be happier. When you’re STRESSED, he will be stressed.

As a wife, you are the “thermostat” of your home whether your realize it or not. A thermostat sets the temperature in the home. You have the power of creating a more welcoming, stress-reducing climate in the home OR you also have the power to create a more stressful tone in the home. Your husband genuinely wants you to be happy because he cares about your happiness, but he also wants you to be happy because your stress is one of the greatest causes of his stress.

5. He wants you to be a great mom, but he doesn’t want to feel like just another one of the kids. He also doesn’t want to feel like you value being a mom more than you value being a wife.

If you’re a parent, your kids obviously need huge amounts of your time and attention. Parenthood is a sacred responsibility and privilege, BUT when we put our marriage on the backburner while raising kids, everybody loses. Your kids need the security that comes from seeing a healthy marriage modeled before their eyes. Have the kind of marriage that actually makes your kids excited to get married someday! Make time for your husband. Don’t treat him like another kid and don’t treat him like an interruption. He should do the same for you.

6. He wants you to love him for who he is and not try to change him into something else

I believe it was Barbara Streisand who said, “I’ve seen women spend 20 years trying to change their husband and then complain that he’s not the man she married!” Sometimes wives (with good intentions) will look at their husband like a renovation project. In an attempt to bring out his best, she’ll try to bring about “improvements” in him, but to him, it feels like he’s not accepted or loved as he is. It’s good to bring out the best in your husband, but do it through encouragement and letting him know often that you love him for who he is.

7. He wants you to see him as your best friend. He wants you to enjoy being with him more than you enjoy time with your girlfriends or anyone else.

Your husband wants you to have friends and to get with your girls, but he wants to be your BEST friend. He wants to be the one you come to first with good news (or bad news). He wants to be the one you’re escaping to; not someone you’re escaping from. He wants to share adventures with you and create enduring memories with you. If you’ll both invest into your friendship with each other, you’ll be making a wise investment into your marriage. The strongest marriages are between two best friends.