Question: What Do I Do When I Have Difficulties in My Marriage?
Every marriage runs into roadblocks. If you and your spouse learn how to recognize some of these relationship problems before they happen, and are ready for them, there is a greater chance of beating them while keeping the marriage and your love intact.
- Communication All human relationships are plagued by communication problems. This especially becomes a problem if one or both of you can’t take your eyes off of a mobile device, TV, computer or another person.
Solutions
- Make a goal that whenever you are together or with the family you put the phone away.
- Never raise your voice with each other. Try to talk in public places.
- Place conversational rules, such as not interrupting each other while talking, listening without defending yourself, and getting rid of phrases such as “You never … ” or “You always … “
- Pay attention to your body language. Listen without rolling your eyes, snorting or acting as if your nails are more important than the problem of your spouse.
- Sex Sex is not everything in a marriage, but the lack of it or disagreements in this area can worsen a marital crisis. Mary Jo Fay, author of “Please Dear, Not Tonight,” says “Sex brings us closer, releases hormones that help our body physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple at healthy levels.”
Solutions
- It is normal if intimacy does not happen as spontaneously as before. It is necessary to understand that times change, responsibilities grow and that as we create a family we have less availability or desire. Plan to have at least 10 minutes of intimate conversation and touch every day; even try sleeping embraced.
- Learn what he likes and teach him what you like. And remember that no one is perfect at sex.
- Do not hesitate to ask for help from a doctor or sex therapist if you cannot solve the problems in this area alone.
- Money Sometimes this is a nightmare that begins even before marriage. It is necessary for every couple to seriously discuss this issue.
Solutions
- Always be honest about your current situation with each other.
- Come to a consensus. If one has a tendency to spend more than the other, try creating a budget and strive to follow it.
- Do not hide debts.
- Do not blame the other.
- Decide together who pays for what, so monthly dues are paid on time.
- Even if there is plenty today, learn to save for the future.
- Plan for things like school, children, caring for elderly parents, family vacation, insurance, health care, etc.
- Include God in your finances.
- Mixed priorities If you prioritize work, parents, friends and children over your spouse, you cannot complain when he does the same — and should not be surprised if the relationship falls apart. If you put your spouse first, your marriage will be stronger and the desires to cheat will disappear.
Solutions
- Do the things you used to do when you first met: Express appreciation, greet them with a happy face, give praise and show interest.
- Plan and book times to go out together and be alone together, and treat it like any other major event on your calendar.
- Show respect to one another by doing little things, such as saying please and thank you, etc.
- Conflicts Disagreements arise. Money, jealousy, an interfering mother-in-law, who does what to help in the home, problems with children, sexual crisis, selfishness, etc. are all issues that may be brought up from time to time. It is important for these issues to be addressed without fighting, or even raising your voice. Regular fights lead to issues like violence and divorce.
Solutions
- Put your pride in the trash. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Progress depends on two mature minds.
- Stay united when issues such as a serious health problem or troubles with the children arise, rather than distancing yourselves from each other.
- Remember that you choose how you react.
- And also remember that past relationship problems are there for us to learn from.
- Trust Trust is a key element in a loving relationship. If you do not fully trust your spouse, the problem needs to be talked about and resolved.
Solutions
- Be consistent and loyal, and keep your word in everything you do.
- Do not lie. It is better to have a disagreement over the truth than to spend the rest of your life with a lie hanging over you.
- Let each other know when you need to arrive later than expected and call when you say you will call.
- Learn to listen.
- Be sensitive and attentive to the other person’s needs.
Learning how to solve these marital problems will bring peace to your family and help you grow closer to your spouse. Take the time to invest in your marriage, solve your problems and bring love back into your relationship.
Friendship Baptist Church strives to build strong lives, marriages and families. We are available to help if the need arises.
Thanks for reading. I hope you have a blessed day.
Pastor Linzy Slayden, Friendship Baptist Church, Owasso, OK
