Friendships contribute more to the man or woman you are going to be (or have become) than any factor outside of God.
By: Frank Powell
I remember the night so clearly. I was driving down a dark, narrow two-lane road with the gas pedal to the floor. Intoxicated. It was the night my life hit rock bottom. I wasn’t man enough to throw my truck in front of a tree. But if I happened to lose control, then so be it.
How did I get to this point? One word: friends. Don’t get me wrong. I owned my actions. My friends didn’t put me behind the wheel. I was responsible for the mess that was my life.
Looking back, I realize my naivety. The words did apply to me. Truth isn’t selective. It doesn’t pick and choose. And the truth in Paul’s words is a warning for us. Your friends WILL shape your life.
In fact, friendships contribute more to the man or woman you are going to be (or have become) than any factor outside of God. Bold words, I know.
But this one reality might change the trajectory of your life. My prayer for this post is that one person will see that their friends are shackling them from becoming the man or woman God created them to be. And they will make some changes.
Your friends can challenge you to achieve things you never imagined. Your friends can also cripple your dreams, leaving you on a two-lane road feeling hopeless.
Here are seven friends that will ruin your life.
1) The “tells you what you want to hear” friend
These friends say exactly what you want them to say. They do exactly what you want them to do. To put it bluntly, they are groupies, not friends. Groupies think their respective group, player, etc. hung the moon. The person they admire could open-hand slap an old lady on a cane, and a groupie would find some way to justify it.
These friends don’t really love you. They are infatuated with something you have. Popularity. Looks. Athleticism. But they aren’t concerned with pointing you to God and challenging you to be the best man or woman you can be.
Friends who love you and want you to succeed point out flaws.
Friends who love you and want you to succeed will point out your inconsistencies.
They don’t enjoy doing this. But, with love and grace, they step into difficult conversations because they can’t bear to watch you continue down a path that might lead to destruction.
2) The “not that serious about God” friend
You know these friends. They usually go to worship on Sunday. They might go on a foreign mission trip. But they never give God their lives. These friends are lukewarm. They think God is OK with having some of the pie.
These friends are toxic because they model a dangerous approach to Christian living. The approach that says status quo Christianity is OK. There is no reason to be a Jesus freak. Jesus freaks don’t enjoy life. So go to worship on Sunday. Read the Bible occasionally. But leave a piece of the pie for yourself.
And the moment you try to go “all in” for God, you will meet fierce resistance. Believe me. I have been there.
Several times in my teenage and early adult years, I wanted to go all in for God. But my friends weren’t there. And they saw my attempt to go all in as a threat to our Friday and Saturday nights. So, I heard statements like these:
“Are you really going to stop partying, getting drunk, etc.? You know there is no way you will stick to it. In two weeks, you will be back to your old self.”
And my friends were right. After a few weeks, I was back to my old self.
As long as “not that serious about God” friends are close enough to you to ask these questions, you will never give your full allegiance to God.
3) The “no ambition” friend
“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” Francis Chan
These friends have ambition. But only toward things that don’t matter. Like completing two seasons of their favorite Netflix show in one day. If you mention Xbox, movies, the opposite sex, or the game plan for Friday and Saturday night, these friends perk up like the time I poured water on my roommate when he was sleeping.
But if you mention serving in the community, studying for a test or attending a Bible study, you might as well be talking to a brick wall.
You were created in the image of God. This means you were created to learn, grow and give. You were created to make the world a better place and do things with excellence. Surround yourself with people who get this … and practice it.
4) The “attention must be on me” friend
Spotlight on me. All. The. Time. Do you have friends like this?
These friends are plagued with jealousy and bitterness. They are extremely insecure. And here’s the big one … their lives are plagued with drama. They live a real life soap opera. And most of these friends have no idea why drama always follows them.
Here’s why.
These friends sell their souls to the gods of attention and spotlight. These gods are ruthless. They require everything. And the gods of attention and spotlight kick you to the curb for their next victim once they destroy your worth and value.
These friends are toxic because they are always takers. They take your energy. They take your joy. They take your time. And they will never celebrate your successes. They can’t. The gods of spotlight and attention won’t allow them to celebrate you. It means they take a backseat.
True friends are givers. They celebrate you. They are ok with taking a back seat to you. They listen to you. Surround yourself with givers.
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