8 Simple Phrases That Can Change Your Relationships
By: Mark Merrill
There are times in life when it is important to prepare a good speech. When you propose. When you interview for a job. When your child graduates. When you honor someone at their funeral. But when it comes to the everyday, there are some simple, three-word phrases that others need to hear from you. Short statements can yield big results.
These simple words will improve your relationships at home, at work, and in the community. They will ease tensions, soothe bruises, build bridges, and warm hearts. Spoken generously, they will bring rich returns. Here are the three-word phrases that will grow your relationships:
1.”I was wrong.”
A friend of mine once shared with me, “You’re never more right than when you admit you’re wrong.” It’s important to acknowledge when we are wrong. It is a sign of true humility. It is the first step in asking for forgiveness.
2. “Help me understand.”
When you have a disagreement with someone, rather than becoming aggressive or defensive, decide to be curious. By taking the time to see where they are coming from and why they did what they did, you can reduce conflict. Really seeing their perspective may even change yours.
3. “That hurt me.”
It’s possible to air grievances without being confrontational. We don’t need to point the finger at someone else. By explaining how we feel without attaching blame—that hurt, not you hurt—we give the other person the opportunity to understand our feelings and consider the part they may have played without putting them on the defensive. We can assert ourselves without putting them down.
4. “Thanks very much.”
Recognizing other people’s actions and efforts works on many levels. It reminds us that we are not the center of the universe. It affirms and encourages others in who they are. It helps build cooperation and community. But it requires taking the time to notice the people around you, to pay attention.
5. “I value you.”
When you say these three words, you are essentially saying to someone that they are important to you. When people know they are valued, the relationship grows. You can fill the 4 chambers of your wife’s heart by saying that you value them.
6. “I respect you.”
We all want others to respect us. Saying these words, especially to a man, is a big deal. As I shared in Filling the 4 Chambers of Your Husband’s Heart, a man needs his woman to value and trust his opinions and decisions, even if they prove to be wrong sometimes. A man also wants his wife to respect his abilities.
7. “I love you.”
Don’t assume they know or believe it because you told them last week or because of the things that you do for them. Say these magical words to your wife, your husband, your parents, and your children when you or they leave the house, when you finish a call, first thing in the morning or last thing at night. I say, “I love you” to Susan every night before we go to bed, even when I don’t feel like it. Suppose something terrible happened, wouldn’t it be great to know the last words they heard from you were “I love you?”
8. “I choose you.”
Marriage isn’t about saying yes on just one big day, it’s about saying the same thing every day afterward and forever. It’s about saying yes to us. When the honeymoon phase has given way to a season in which the sparks may be of conflict, not romance, remember that love is a choice.
These eight phrases are easy to learn, but they can sometimes be hard to speak. The words may be short, but they can get stuck in our throats. So often we are more concerned about our feelings, our rights, our needs, than those of others. But demonstrating the kind of humility these simple words show can speak volumes. In a me-me-me world, they put others first.
As St. Francis of Assisi prayed, “Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.”
